Anchored in community; anchored in care

As this is being written, Winkler recently had its first Pride event, supported by local Pembina Valley folks as well as people from many other Manitoba communities. People travelled -and stayed! - on a very wet and very cold day; their desire to show support was big enough to weather the unfortunate weather! Acts of solidarity carry so much weight and usually are laden with more meaning than we can even realize.

Image borrowed from Pembina Valley Online.

We all want to be anchored in our communities; we want to feel that our connections are caring for us and carrying us through the stuff of living a real life. This post is about acknowledging how hard it can be to find that and some thoughts about what might be getting in the way.

Some Reasons Community Care Might Feel Harder Than It Should

YES!- responsibilities and life tasks are absolutely a hindrance to the kinds of relationships we want. And, there are also societal factors in the mix that make it hard too ....

1 - Modern life (supported by unchecked neo-liberal capitalism) puts roadblocks in our way.

There's no doubt - responsibilities and life tasks are putting pressures on us that absolutely hinder the kinds of relationships we want to be in. Pressures make noticing harder, spontaneity a challenge, and gathering can end up feeling like task instead of precious opportunities to care for and nurture our relationships and communities.

Our society is set up to reward a focus on paid work. We can feel that slowing down, helping our neighbours and supporting our friends is like a luxury or side dish - we're waiting for the time for it because our focus is on staying afloat. It's worth reminding ourselves repeatedly that we exist in a system built to reward and prioritize the things that take us away from each other. Our social realities can make it so hard to build a life that centers being in it together.

2 - Individualism - going it alone and trying to not need anyone - is celebrated and seen as good

The social reality of individualism (I'd suggest hyper-individualism might be a good candidate for a future DSM illness category if I was a decision maker!) is pressing on us from every side, another byproduct of unchecked capitalism on steroids - the society standards we live in seem to be toxic to the kind of community we need and yearn for.

3 - Empiricism - togetherness isn’t measurable, so it doesn’t get prioritized.

Empiricism, the means of understanding experience our culture relies on, which emerges from a worldview that relied on domination to colonize and claim territory, has always undermined collectivity. When we're so rooted in what can be measured and standardized, we end up ignoring alot of the stuff that's very real - but hard to put a number or value on - like trust, belonging, or how much a community cares for each other. Because you can't empirically quantify relationship and connection, the modern world tends to treat relationality and mutual thriving as if it doesn't count; as if it isn't valuable. This has made collectivity and interdependence less central to our everyday lives. Its hard to really live as if the things that matter are the things that matter.

Community Asks to Be Tended

All three of these ideas push in the same direction. They make the warm, messy community we actually need feel harder to build and easier to skip.

It might seem basic, but it's worth reminding ourselves that community often costs something.

Community is reciprocal and alive; breathing; moving. it needs tending and it is affected by tiny acts as well as big ones.

Community isn't a given nor is it static, it requires our tending, our engagement and our noticing. Showing up is not always easy, (though thankfully, sometimes it can be easy!) and it almost always fosters what is worthwhile and meaningful in our lives. Tending community might feel countercultural and uncomfortable.

Showing up supports what we yearn for. With so many pressures on our time, it can be hard to prioritize a friend's move or a cousin's birthday party; yet these are often the choices that lead to greater connection and deeper relationships; the things that are meaningful to us and help us feel settled and connected in our bodies and lives.

It can help to imagine the energy a task or commitment will bring into our lives whenever we need a push towards showing up to things that are important to us: who will I meet? What kind of energy will I have afterwards? What kinds of surprises are waiting there? What might I learn that I wouldn't otherwise have had a chance to hear about?

Small Acts of Community Care To Try

Just incase you're looking for a wee nudge, here's a few ideas towards new moves in your own community growing (acts of villaging?!)

• grocery shop with a pal, even if you meet in the parking lot and you're only together for an hour!

• Invite someone to help you with a project and offer to help them with one of theirs (a closet that needs sorting? An admin task you need a push to finish? Bathroom needs painting?)

• Schedule meal trades with three friends/households before the end of August (One of you cooks for all of you, one time each. Choose dates, exchange dietary needs and go!)

• organize a Teach me something night – many families and groups developed these during covid restrictions; gather some folks to prepare a 10 minute fun and interesting presentation to teach the others – how to unclog a sink, what they really do at work, what it takes to knit a pair of mittens … )

Building Community Up Close: Winnipeg Connect

Did you know that a local therapist (and overall amazing human) Sabrina Friesen, started the Winnipeg Connect community?

Sabrina and I met because I reached out after being so impressed with what Winnipeg Connect was accomplishing. I was seeing and hearing the effect WC was having on people's lives. I learned after meeting Sabrina that conversations with people about loneliness and isolation got her dreaming of ways for people to connect and form community, and that's how Winnipeg Connect was born. Although Sabrina has moved on from hosting in-person events, her Instagram still highlights community-based events and is a worthwhile resource.

Support for Gathering Well: The Art of Gathering

I've referred to this resource before, but Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering is such a rich collection of inspiring ideas, as are the questions and unique examples she shares via social media. I refer back to my printed copy often as I imagine creating welcoming spaces, class offerings and celebrations.

We Are Made for the Messy, Beautiful Work of Community

We humans are made to have gritty and messy and beautiful connections. We're wired for it, it's built in, its necessary for survival! We're made to brush up against each other at the park, on yoga mats, in the simple act of sharing a meal. One of the easiest avenues for community I can offer you is a standing invitation to gather, and this will only increase as our team at Jonah Collaborative Therapies moves into a new space on Market St. in September.

This summer I'm holding space for yoga, meditation, and enneagram learning - little rhythms of showing up alongside other folks and see what unfolds. You're welcome at any of these events if engaging in community care has been on your mind lately. In particular, we are slowly and deliberately inviting an enneagram practice community to come together and use the map of enneagram for self observation, pattern changes, and new ways of relating. This fall, our men's therapy group will return - dates for that will be available soon! Have a look at what's coming up at formationtherapies.ca/events.

three things to join don't appear on our events page, but please reach out by email (kelly@formationtherapies.ca) if you're interested:

~ a late-stage-capitalism book group is in the works to begin this fall with monthly or bimonthly meetings,

~ a reading retreat is happening in early October and there might be a spot or two available,

~ we are seeking volunteers to help us plan the two professional development events happening in December 2026 and February 2027.